Change the voices in your head
by cabson
Summary: A short one shot. A conversation between Olivia and Abby. And what else could it be about than the beautiful blonde that is always on her and our minds... Rated M for language only. "Yes, Liv. Change the voices in your head and make them like you instead," Abby, patiently said.


**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters used in this story, the belong to the producers and owner of Law and Order Special Victims Unit, and to Angie Harmon, Mariska Hargitay and last but not least, Stephanie March.**

 **The only thing I do own is the laptop I wrote this story on and the creations of my own mind.**

 **A/N I know y'all are waiting for a new chapter of Just The Way You Are. But this one wouldn't leave my mind or leave me alone. So here it is, a short one shot. Now I hope my head and muse will let me work on the next chapter for Alex and Oliver.**

 **The title of this story is part of a sentence of a song from P!nk. The song is called "fucking perfect". Those who know her songs know what the song is about. If you don't know it, I'd recommend for you to listen to it some day.**

 **Alright enough talking Cabson, let the readers just read the story!**

 **Change the voices in your head**

"Tell me that you're making a bad joke. Tell me that you don't mean it," Abby said,

as she looked at Olivia like the Detective had grown a second head.

Olivia had called the former SVU ADA and her best friend, when she heard that the lanky brunette would be in the City. She needed to talk to someone she trusted, she needed to talk about what was on her mind. Normally she would have turned to Alex, but this time she couldn't, as Alex was the one she needed to talk about. She loved the blonde ADA, who was her girlfriend for the past year, very much, but at times where her mind was playing tricks with herself, the Detective would let doubt take over and get to the point that she would give in. That she would destroy the best thing that happened to her. Abby was one of the very few people who knew what happened in the strong brunette's previous relationship and how it had done, how she had done, a number on her. How her, already low, self esteem , went down even lower. How it had damaged her, even though she didn't see it at the time.

So here they were, sitting on the Olivia's couch, and the Detective had just told her that maybe she should protect the younger blonde with one of the dumbest ideas ever, ending their relationship because she would never good enough for Alex.

"Why would I joke about something like that?" Olivia asked.

"Because if this ain't a bad , very bad joke, you finally went crazy," Abby replied.

"Abs, tell me how is it fair to Alex, to have to deal with my insecurity all the time? To need to fight to the voices in my head? The ones that are telling me that I'm not good enough, that I'm damaged. The ones that are telling me that they are right when someone says that I'll never be good enough for her. Or saying that I'm not worth it. Or basically what ever anyone might say that will be in line with what is always in the back of my head. Tell me how is that fair to Alex?" Olivia asked.

"Alex loves you, that woman would buy you a trip to the moon and back if it would make you happy and never mind what she would have to pay for it. Alex thinks the world of you, like so many do, myself included.

You're the most selfless person anyone could ever meet, you always take care of anyone that needs it, whether they deserve it or not, if you believe it's the right thing to do you'll do it. Alex or anyone else couldn't be safer than when they are with you. But you won't see it, or don't wanna see it. Boy, did your ex screw with your head, more than I thought she did.

Now let me ask you a question, I already know the answer to, but I want to hear ya say it. Make it two actually.

Ya don't really love Alex, do ya? There are only so many things you would do for her, won't ya?" Abby asked, as she finished her statement.

If looks could kill, the former brunette ADA would have dropped dead instantly, and she knew it. But she had to get Olivia worked up and pissed off to achieve what she wanted to achieve. Knowing exactly how far she could go with the brunette Detective.

"Now who's the one that lost their mind and went crazy? Are you fucking kidding me?! You know how much I love Alex, she means the world to me, she's everything to me! And if you think there's something I wouldn't do for her, they should lock you up in a mental hospital right now!" Olivia growled.

"There's the passion and fire, that Alex loves so much. There's the Olivia that will always fight for her. Ya see, Liv, there's only one thing you need to do, besides loving her and being her girlfriend," Abby said.

"Well, please enlighten me, and tell what it is that I need to do that will make everything alright. That will fix everything and suddenly make me the best person on this planet," Olivia said sarcastically.

The Detective really thought that the Texan was just pissing her off because it was some stupid kind of idea to make fun of her. Or that she somehow had transferred some of her own idiot ideas or thoughts into her friends mind. She simply couldn't see how this could be helpful or change what ever self image she had. Let alone change the situations she always managed to get herself into.

"Change the voices in your head," Abby simply answered.

"Change the voices in my head?" Olivia parroted, as her jaw hit the floor.

Abby smiled softly at Olivia, seeing that Olivia didn't get her at all.

"Yes, Liv. Change the voices in your head and make them like you instead," Abby, patiently said.

"You're losing me there. How is that gonna help me and more importantly how the hell do I that?" Olivia asked.

Abby briefly pulled the confused Detective into a hug, before she released her and answered the question.

"Who is the one that always makes you smile? Who is the one that always makes you happy? Who is the one that you actually believe when she tells you that she loves you? Alex. It's always Alex, she is the one who does all of that. Alex is the one that silences the voices in your head when you're insecure or doubt you're enough for her. Don't shut her down, talk to her. To change the voices in your head, you need to open up to her about this, too. You open up to her about other things. Talk to her, every single time, the voices in your head try or change your mind. Talk to her instead of pulling up your walls. Let her calm you down, let her show you that in her eyes you're the one for her. No matter what it is that you think yourself. And, slowly, you will change the voices in your head. You will believe that you're more than good enough for her. And most importantly, you will believe that you, Olivia Benson, badass Detective, are all she needs and wants," Abby finished, as she told Olivia what she needed to do.

"So you're telling me that changing the voices in my head is what I need to do, that will help me and stop doubting myself? Or my worthiness or lack of it, change in my own eyes?" Olivia asked,

as a small smile formed on her lips.

Abby nodded and smiled while she said,

"Yes, Liv. Change the voice in your head,"


End file.
